Finding peace with the opposite sex
I feel like all I post about is my issues with women... usually after something just yanks my chain. This post is, yeah, about women, but not so much a vent/rant, but more of a "today is one of those days where I am at peace with my relationship with women."
I like my independence. I spent 20 years in a marriage that was less than stellar. Both our faults, but in my defense, I was not really allowed my independence... ever. Now, three years later, I have found that I indeed thrive in my independence. But... there are days when I miss some of the simple things... a soft touch, a hug, a quiet night enjoying a movie, and conversation.
I don't like the dating game, the song and dance of courtship, or feeling my independence get sucked out of me. I'll be honest, the sex part is not really a concern any longer. It feels like just another "performance metric," and thanks, but no thanks.
I discovered platonic cuddling and have done it a few times, and it is enjoyable. The women I have had sessions with have been really wonderful, relaxing, engaged, and have made something that could feel weird not weird. But... yeah, you pay for it.
Tonight, I have a session with a woman for the first time in a while. I had backed off because, well, quite frankly, it would get pretty expensive if I paid for how often I would like to cuddle with a woman. But I am out of town and have some downtime, so I scheduled a session. She has high karma (basically an indicator of satisfaction based on reviews from clients), and she is a pretty woman. I am pretty sure it will go swimmingly like the others have. Plus, I have done this a few times, so the initial weirdness is not really a thing any longer.
Is there a point to all this? Sort of.
As much as I would like to not have to pay for having someone on a regular basis to cuddle with, I am OK with it now and then. I think I have discovered that afterward, I feel like I want it more often, but then realize the months in between are my time, my space, and that is what is important. I don't do online dating any longer. I don't try to hook up or find women at bars. I have learned more about myself in the past three years after my divorce than I could have imagined. One of those things is that I like women, but I don't need one.
So tonight is the aspirin to fix the desire for those simple things I mentioned previously. It will get me through, and I am OK with that being how my relationship with women proceeds. The future is up for grabs, but I am feeling more at peace with the situation than I have in quite a while.