A dream to toy with me
I had a very vivid dream this morning before I woke up. I was wonderful and painful all in the same dream.
I had apparently found my person. She was petite, fun, and kissed me to the point I felt her in my soul. I have felt an attachment like this in dreams over my life maybe three times.
Then I wake up.
As my posts have shown, I struggle with the opposite sex. My track record is not good. I'm not a jerk, quite the contrary, but I am never enough I think for anyone.
So the idea that this dream woman touched my soul is disturbing. It's like the fates or whatever are fucking with me. What purpose would having a dream, that felt real as well as being nothing short of perfect, possibly be of benefit to me?
I don't feel better, I feel worse. I'm focused now on the simple fact that as an old, average guy, that this will never transpire. I'm left truly wishing for things that are not part of reality.
In fact, now, after typing this (I wanted to log it down) I will need to go off and find things to occupy my brain so that this desire goes away. That's fucked.
My secret desire is that she will magically appear one day. But magic isn't real.